What Do I Need To Plan For My Wedding? - Part 1
Hello! I’ve unashamedly sat down with a cup of tea and a hot water bottle because cosy evenings are what it’s all about at the start of December. Talking to couples and researching online, it seems one of the most anxiety-inducing parts of getting married is that they don’t know where to start with their planning, and the cost seems beyond imagination.
I’ll start the same way as I did in this post when I talked about what stationery you might choose. You don’t NEED to do any of these things. Your wedding is your day to celebrate each other, so pick and mix the bits you like. That being said, let’s crack on with the possibilities.
💖🧡💛This is part 1 of 2. In the second post, you can download a summarised list to help you plan your special day! 💖🧡💛
The Date
Choosing when you want to get married depends on a few things:
When you got engaged
How long you need to plan and save
What your plans are
Where you’re getting married.
If you have your heart set on an outdoor wedding in your home town in Lancashire, maybe don’t do this in winter. If you need to save up to pay for your wedding from scratch, I’d suggest not having a short engagement as you’d stress yourself out. It’s also possible that you’d want to choose a sentimental date, like your anniversary.
True story: We got married in February because of my fear of wasps - and that meant I knew none would buzz in and ruin things! 🐝
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Your Budget
According to Hitched, the average total cost of a wedding in 2019 was £31,974. That can seem very daunting to most, and rest assured I can tell you we had a beautiful day that didn’t cost anywhere near that much. Your budget is personal to you - Don’t go beyond what you can afford!
My advice here is that you make the day memorable, fun and unique based on the people present rather than anything aesthetic or based on finances. It’s a celebration of your love and promise to each other, so try not to get lost in material things and bankrupt yourself. I would highly recommend creating a spreadsheet to keep track of your spending to ensure you keep with your limit, and even set budgets for individual sections (outfits, flowers, food, stationery etc).
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Your Guests
The day is MADE by the ones who come to bear witness, show support and give you all the 💜. You may choose just one person each, which is the legal obligation in the UK, or a whole heap of loved ones. Factor in who you think would support you as a couple and would be happy for you. Try not to be swayed by friends or relatives to invite people who don’t fit that description. If your budget is smaller, remember you can:
Invite people to just part of the day
Have some cheaper options for feeding your guests, like buffets or bring-your-own dishes
Simple one: Just don’t have an open bar!
Once you know who you want there, make sure you get their addresses or email addresses (depending on how you’re going to send invites) and store them in one place for ease.
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The Wedding Party
It’s so exciting to pick your bridesmaids/bridesmates/grooms-people/flower girls/page boys. It’s even more exciting to ask them! There’s often some politics or pressure around this about being left out but I have a few bits of advice:
Keep numbers minimal of you can, because if you choose to buy your wedding party outfits, it could get pricey with a whole gang!
Choose the people who know and love you as a couple
If you have a Maid/Mate of Honour or Best Man/Woman, it’s very tempting to just choose your bestie or the person you’ve known for the longest time. Those roles are somewhat labour-intensive before and on the day. Whether it’s organising a hen/stag/sten do, herding guests, giving an appropriate speech or helping older relatives find their seat, you need a wedding party who is reliable and organised.
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The Ceremony Venue and Vows
The truth this, you can spend forever swooning over flower crowns or show-stopping suits on Pinterest but at the end of the day, the ceremony is the only part of any wedding day you plan that ACTUALLY matters. It’s the difference between being married and not! Whether you tie the knot in a religious building, a secular registry office or outdoors, it’s the one price you have to just shell out, no negotiations. The main factors to consider here:
How many people will fit?
Can you afford it?
Will everyone be comfortable? For example, can everyone sit down, will they need umbrellas/blankets?
How easy is it to get to?
Is it accessible to everyone? Remember older guests, those carrying babies and those with mobility issues.
Can people easily get from the ceremony to the reception? See the Transport section below for more on this!
What legal tasks do you need to complete to get married here? Remember, if you’re getting married in the UK you need to “give notice of intent to marry’ at least 29 days before the ceremony. More on that here.
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The Reception Venue
Some people know where they’d want to get married and they negotiate a free date, and others know the date and find somewhere which is available. There’s no right or wrong here, it really depends on your priorities. What I would consider is the needs of your guests - Refer to your guest list and make sure you’ve factored in accessibility for those who are less able to move around and whether the venue allows children or pets, if you’re inviting them. Do your research - Look at images, whether they’ve hosted weddings before, testimonials and ask if they do tastings.
Key things to think about with your venue:
Does it fit your budget? If you love it but can’t afford it at the weekend or at peak times, will they decrease the price for mid-week/off-season weddings?
What does the price include? Do you need to pay extra for linens, cutlery, crockery, audio-visual set up or anything else?
Will they set up and take down for you?
Do they have space for dancing?
Can you bring your own drinks/cake/anything else you fancy?
Are you tied into their catering or list of approved caterers?
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Table-Planning and Food
Your venue might handle all of the catering, you might provide your own, or you might organise something like food trucks for your guests to enjoy. If the reception venue isn’t covering the food, make sure you try different options with tasting sessions and book that in too.
Table planning, in all honesty, is one of the tasks that’s more of a head-scratcher to complete. Often there will be awkward numbers, or people who can’t be near each other, or accessibility considerations. But who doesn’t like a bit of a problem solving session?! Keep your cool, and you’ll work it out. My top tips:
Write each person’s name on a piece of paper and pin them to a board or use magnets on your fridge to move things around until they make sense! This is much easier than writing them in a notebook or typing them about as you can see results really quickly.
Have some spare blank name cards made up in whatever stationery style you’ve chosen to allow for any last minute changes to your guest list
Don’t get your table plan printed and mounted ages in advance. Allow for flexibility and you’ll be less stressed nearer the wedding day!
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Transport
This can include getting the wedding party to the ceremony, getting everyone in between venues and getting home. Again, it depends on your budget but try to remember people who don’t know the area or who might need a little extra help. Families with children might be bringing car seats and prams and there may be walking sticks and wheelchairs to factor in to your plans.
Bus hire is a popular choice because you can transport a large number of people at once. Often you can get your names printed for the front of the bus, too! When I got married, we hired a vintage Routemaster for our guests and a 1960s-style white cab for us. It was romantic to have that breather with my new husband but we missed out on the fun of the big red bus, which everyone said they loved!
My top tip here? If the journey isn’t long, don’t splash cash on drinks and snacks. They’ll get that when they arrive at the ceremony. I spent hours making branded biscuits (really much harder than it needed to be!) . And throw in the copious amounts of Prosecco we were handing out? Our guests came wobbling off that bus at the other end! 🍾🍾🍾
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Accommodation
I honestly would only recommend sorting this for:
The wedding party, if it’s a destination wedding
Older guests who are from out of town
If your venue is also the accommodation and you can bulk-book rooms
You’re having a festival-style wedding with camping
You can certainly make suggestions of areas to stay, but I don’t think you need to burden yourself with where each guest lays their head that night. The logistics are difficult and stressful and in my experience, everyone finds somewhere to rest after the big day!
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Hen/Stag/Sten Parties
If you’re having one, it’s a possibility that this would be organised on your behalf. It can be anything from a drink and getting your nails done with some pals to a big holiday abroad. My suggestions:
Just like your wedding, it’s the people who make the event memorable rather than the ‘grammability of the affair. Don’t price out your mates for a big blow-out.
Just focus on your nearest and dearest - the ones who are ecstatic about your upcoming nuptials.
Remember why you’re having this party - It’s the lead-up to the big celebration of your love. Perhaps have a hen/stag/sten (where everyone goes out together rather than a single-gender event) which reflects that too!
Don’t have one if you don’t want one! You can choose what you want to do and you don’t have to bow to tradition.
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The Speeches
The thing to plan here, other than the words to say, is who is going to talk. Do not by any means think that it should be just three men. This is traditional, yes, but oh-so-very archaic. That’s not a judgement - You do you! But don’t be held back here if you’ve got something to say!
My top tips for wedding speeches:
Don’t make them too long - people get fidgety
Try to balance laughter with some vulnerability, sensitivity and sentimentality
Don’t mention embarrassing stories about each other than you’ll cringe about if you caught your Nanna’s eye whilst saying it
Even if it’s true, don’t say ‘I only wrote this last night/this morning’. Frankly, it sounds lazy and a thinly-veiled attempt at trying to hide nerves. Just hold your head up, speak loudly, and own what you’re saying. You’ll be great!
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