How Do I Plan a Hen or Stag Party?
Often this can seem as daunting a task as the wedding: A party, a sleepover, potentially awks team-building and a holiday all in one! It doesn’t have to be as complicated or as expensive as you imagine to throw your bestie the event they deserve, nor does it have to be cheesy or leave you penniless, either. Just follow our basic tips! We’re going to cover:
Why have a Hen or Stag do?
What is a Hag or Sten party?
Writing your guest list
Setting expectations and group communication
Planning your budget
Duration and availability
Choosing a location, and your accommodation and travel
Planning activities
Eating and drinking
Atmosphere and ice-breaking
Where to look for some extra help
Let’s jump in!
Why have a hen or stag do?
The days of strictly hetero marriages, with no sex beforehand, immediate baby-making after “I do”, and the associated last hurrah are, thankfully, over. So, are ‘last night of single life’ parties part of the past too?
Hey, they’re not for everyone, but another reason to raise a glass to two people in love seems like a happy thing in my book. You do what you want, don’t bow to anyone’s expectations.
Having said that, I do urge you to consider the possibility of having a hen or stag party, if you’re not already swayed. All too often, it seems the reason we duck out of some of the wedding prep - trying on those fancy dresses, allowing friends to plan a pamper sesh, having a party thrown for us - is because we don’t believe we deserve the fuss. YOU DO, okay?!
What is a Hag or Sten do?
It’s pretty neat - It’s just a joint pre-nuptial party, where you don’t separate groups based on gender. We were keen on a big group party at Go Ape! (a tree-top adventure playground) when we were engaged. We were so easily talked out of it for strict girl/boy time (plus half of my bridesmaids were a straight up “NO” to hanging out of a tree). If you two fancy a Sten party, hold your ground and go for it!
Writing your guest list
First thing’s first - who do you want to invite? It can depend on the type of event you’re imagining. If you want L plates, strippers and body shots, contemplate for a moment what that picture looks like with your Auntie Brenda front and centre. Invite appropriately and brief your bridesmaids and groomsmen, if they’re planning the party for you, to make sure no activities are planned which will make people feel awkward, embarrassed or left out.
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My recommendation would be to keep the guest list to your wedding party and close friends. Weddings can already be fairly expensive and it’s difficult if guests feel pressure to pay for an extra party on top. Groups of large people in confined spaces are difficult to manage too!
Setting expectations and group communication
If you’re going big - say you’re dreaming of a week-long tropical getaway, make that clear to guests up front. It will make planning, budgeting, communication and therefore rapport so much smoother and more enjoyable for everyone involved. I’d say the longer and more elaborate the party is, the pricier it’ll be, and therefore you might expect a smaller group of guests to be able to come along. Just like with planning your wedding, you would hate to find out hidden costs along the line, so make sure it’s crystal what your hopes and plans are to avoid any potential stress.
You might want to set up a WhatsApp group chat, a private Facebook event or just organise things by good, old-fashioned email. I’d opt for the WhatsApp group, as it gives people a chance to see profile pics and get to know each other before the event.
The most common fear I hear when brides talk about their Hen do is whether the pockets of friends that are being brought together will all get on well. I’ll talk later about ice-breaking, but I really would recommend you factor that in to your activity, location and meal planning. Interestingly, the principle concern I hear from Stags is usually regarding their eyebrows being shaved off when they sleep…🤨
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Keep it simple. A meal, some drinks, an accessible activity like bowling - that’s all you need. Complicated can lead to disappointed!
Planning your budget
Think about how much you’d be willing to spend for a night out or weekend away for your friend. We have a tendency to get so excited about getting married that we may lose a little perspective, but just imagine you got invited to 5 hen or stag parties this year. How much could you realistically set aside for all these events? Think about your friend’s financial situations and what is fair to expect of them. The people present are more important than the place you’re in.
The way I’ve seen it done before is the main party planner asks the guests how much they’re willing to spend first using something like a Facebook poll. Once the results are in, they research possible locations and activities based on that. This means there’s no awkwardness or drop-outs based on cost, which is a sad reason not to go to a party.
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Include a kitty within your budget. This can pay for essentials in the shared accommodation or cover all food, drink, travel, activities and any gifts for the whole weekend. Any leftover can be given back evenly after the event.
Duration and availability
Ask your guests how long they are willing to be on a Stag or Hen party. It could be a Saturday afternoon, or a week-long affair. If it’s the latter, guests will need to check their holiday allowance and book time off work or arrange suitable childcare, which makes organising tricky. Plan months ahead rather than weeks, giving everyone a fair chance to being able to make it.
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A cool free tool for seeing overall group availability is Doodle. You pop in all possible dates, share with the guest list and people can select the dates they can make. Simply pick the most popular day in the poll and you’re set!
Choosing a location, accommodation and travel
You’re modern people, you know about Air BnB for places to stay and Skyscanner and Trainline for cheap travel options. However, you might be missing a trick if multiple guests are coming from the same place but are travelling separately. You can save some serious cash by booking group train tickets (you could save over a third with GroupSave!), or even hiring a minibus. Plus, if you’re like me, planning a playlist and snacks for a road trip is actually part of the fun!
Remember to factor in that people will have to travel from all over to meet at your chosen location, which means their personal pay-out to be there will be different from the next guest. I’d recommend selecting a town or city that is accessible to everyone and doesn’t cost more than £70 to get to.
Self-catering options will not only be more budget-friendly than hotels if you’re going away for a few days, but you can even buddy people up who don’t know each other to be in charge of cooking certain meals together. Make sure you book somewhere which allows Hen and Stag parties, as some companies have stringent rules about this sort of event.
It’s really great if the place you stay has some sort of communal area for you to all hang out, play games and eat together. A major reason for having a party like this before the wedding is to get everyone to bond. Funny challenges and silly games bring people together brilliantly so it’s great to have a space for this.
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If you’re staying in a house or cottage all together, plan meals in advance and book an online shop. Don’t forget essentials like loo roll, toothpaste, tea bags, olive oil, salt and pepper.
Planning activities
Try a mix of feel-good things to do, raucous fun and something sentimental for a great party!
Pamper the group by getting your nails done together, or stock up on pizza and everyone’s favourite movies for a cosy night in. Throw in some laugh-your-head-off good times: Learn a Spice Girls routine, swing round a pole, do karaoke or try a cookery class. Lastly, some cute keepsakes like a Polaroid scrapbook of the party and some stories of how you met the couple will keep it personal and special.
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Not all activities have to cost money. You could distribute the budget by planning a free competitive scavenger hunt challenge in the morning, followed by luxury spa treatments after lunch.
Eating and drinking
We’ve already mentioned group cooking, but I cannot emphasise enough: You must plan for people being hungry! People need to eat, and you don’t want hangry to crush the vibes.
Preparation is paramount. Get the groceries for things like breakfast, lunches, treats and drunk-snacking. You can then plan to eat out as specific activities. This not only breaks up the weekend, but when eating is part of the entertainment, you save a few quid too. For example, you could book an afternoon tea one day and dinner and drinks another. If you’re relying on take-out for a meal, make sure you plan options in advance, with all the phone numbers you might need. You could even, if you’re super organised, cook up a big lasagne the night before the party and bring it along, allowing you to toss a side salad and host with no stress.
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Make sure you find out allergies and preferences before you meal plan so everyone feels included and catered for. Don’t assume everyone wants to get boozey and ensure there are tasty soft drinks available too!
Atmosphere and ice-breaking
Well, you know who’s coming, where you’re going, what you’re doing, what you’re eating and how much it costs. Now you’re going to have a bunch of people in a room, a mix of school friends, uni and work pals, cousins and even parents and it’s your job to make sure everyone has a good time. Eek!
Set the tone with an awesome playlist. If you can get there first and set up some welcome snacks and drinks, that always loosens people up. Make sure you remember everyone’s names and when new faces show up, do the introductions so they’re instantly welcomed into the fold. Play some games, top up glasses or jump straight into your first activity because the sooner people start chatting, the better!
Real life example
My Maid of Honour left a pair of socks from one of the 4 Hogwarts houses and some chocolates on everyone’s pillow as a welcome present. The houses were used as teams for games throughout the first night - everyone shoved their socks on immediately, no questions asked! The Harry Potter theme continued with decorations, costumes, ‘potions class’ cocktails, Butterbeer-pong and me eating my way through an entire bowl of sparkly green vodka jelly to retrieve a Horcrux 😂. The point is, not everyone there loved HP the way I do, but the theme was sentimental, and the games got everyone on board quickly.
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When everyone arrives, toast to the bride and/or groom. It’ll remind everyone why they made the effort - they’re the link that connects you all!
Extra help
There are awesome companies out there who not only plan the whole thing for you, but take care of asking each guest for their share of the payment, making it less awkward for you. Cluck is a great example, offering hen do packages for modern brides that include stays in cool London hotels, blow-dry parties and bottomless brunches.
I love, love, love party planning. If you want some advice or ideas, just get in touch! Happy planning!