I know what it’s like to be swallowed whole by the wedding-planning-beast and lose all perspective on life. I’ve been there (and seen a few friends lost in that unforgiving sea for a while too!) So I’m here to tell you firstly, you’re going to be alright and your wedding will be GREAT, and secondly there are a few little things you can do to make everything run smoothly, both whilst planning and on the day itself. Read on if the only shit you want to be losing regarding your wedding is on the dancefloor! 😆🕺💃

The experiences I’ve had and witnessed have shown there are a few key areas that frazzle people the most. These are: Money, self-confidence, losing sight of the why and those cheeky-but-tear-inducing last-minute changes. Let me help by breaking each one down and giving you my top tips!

Money

Have a budget (and stick to it!)

Whether or not you’re one of those proper adults with a spreadsheet or, like me, it’s a figure and a list that whittles down over time with key things to buy, it’s important you keep your eye on the ball. I’d say in the early days of planning, when you’re going for the big hitters like the venue, this is simple. When you have to really watch yourself is that last two months.

You will not BELIEVE how many times I’ve seen people suddenly splurge on last-minute stands and frames for tables, or panic-buy metres of bunting in various colours, “just in case”. I myself nearly spent £120 I didn’t have on pairs of trainers for the bridesmaids, for the hypothetical eventuality that their heels would be abandoned under a table somewhere. Luckily, they knew me well enough to reel me in before I clicked that buy button!

Save for the things that matter

There will be some things that really matter to you. It might be a ticket for your best friend to fly back home or the dress you’ve always wanted… My advice here is put it into your budget and build around it. There’s a difference between being thrifty and skimping on what you really want, and the latter will leave you feeling disappointed. Doing that might even mean you end up buying more than once, blowing your budget AND making you feel guilty, and that’s the last thing you need. Do your research, work out what you can afford, and don’t leave behind the few keys things that will make the day feel special to you.

Don’t DIY unless you’re good at it or really love it

I had this vision for my retro-styled wedding day that included what I was calling, “The Living Room”. I wanted people (especially the elders) to have spot to chill in, and this included floor lamps, rugs and big squidgy sofas that, in my mind at least, bridged the aesthetic of Mad Men with the comforting vibe of the Gryffindor common room.

Aaaanyway, I spent goodness-knows-how-many hours sewing and knitting these little cushions. It was cute, but what a waste of time. I didn’t enjoy it, I was so stressed about it, and the quality was, let’s say, whimsical at best. If craft is your thing - do it, and have fun with it. If you think you’re saving a few pennies by doing it yourself at the expense of your mental health, then scrap it, or ask for help, or bite the bullet and pay for someone to do it well.

Self-confidence

Do not diet

You are PERFECT. Please know this. Get an outfit that fits and compliments your shape as you are, not some way you think you should be. Speaking from a place of deep regret, I was obsessed with being thin on my wedding day. Not with seeing him at the end of the aisle, not thinking about the day of support and love with my friends and family - just with looking thin in a white dress. It’s really sad - please don’t let this be your experience.

I’ve often thought about going to a wedding dress shop now, a fair few sizes bigger than I was on my wedding day (and having proudly grown two babies since then, too) and seeing what fits my actual-day-to-day, real-life body. I think this would be a healing moment!

Meditate

Have you used Headspace? It’s great for helping you sleep, focus and calm down, especially if you’ve never meditated before. You don’t need an app, but it’s just one that I think helps. They have these SOS meditations for moments you feel like you’re in crisis; If you find yourself getting flustered, these are really handy. Any type of self-care will do the trick to alleviate the overwhelm, but I say meditation specifically because pesky, panicky thoughts can still dominate when you’re, say, getting a manicure or taking a bath, but meditation slows your brain down so you’re actually getting that moment of peace.

Spend time together

Nothing and no-one makes me feel more beautiful, confident, happy and loved than the man I married. I bet you can say the same about your partner. I would have been a whole lot less stressed when we were wedding-planning if I’d focussed more on him than the gym and calorie-counting! That leads us nicely to the next section…

Photo by The Chamberlins Wedding Photography

Losing sight of the why

Just in case you’re too deep in it and have already lost perspective 😂 - Remember your ‘why’ - it’s THEM. Your forever person. The wedding is just the bridge to your life-long marriage, that’s the part that counts. But you know that!

Both take part in the decisions and planning

This is a day to celebrate both of you and what you share. All too often there’s one person who is taking charge of the plans and the other who follows. Make sure there’s space for everyone’ ideas and that you both put in some of the graft, too.

One tip to make it feel like you’re planning together is only inviting people you both know and love to the wedding. You really don’t need to be doing intros with people you’ve never met when you already have a room of family and friends to host. If you or your partner haven’t met someone on the guest list (and it’s not like an aunt who lives abroad or something), then ask yourself why - do they really need to be part of your intimate day?

Make time for dates (with no wedding talk)

The wedding planning chat can really take over every conversation if you let it, because people love ask about your plans. Make sure you two do things that aren’t just about the wedding. We love crazy golf dates and cocktails in this house!

Schedule time together on the day

Just after our ceremony, our guests boarded a double-decker bus to the reception and we climbed giddily into a white cab to follow behind. As we cracked into our mini bottles of booze, we laughed and talked about how the morning had been, how nervous we both were and how glad we were to see each other. It was a really wonderful window of time to just catch our breath before the party started.

Last-minute changes

Future-proof your wedding day stationery

I’ve previously been unfair about escort cards, always preferring a table plan in the past. However - working with couples during the easing of lockdown and government rules throughout the pandemic has shown the need to be super flexible when it comes to wedding day stationery. I mean, this is always the case - someone drops out and tables need to be re-arranged - but no one wants to be printing multiple plans or crossing people out and handwriting names the morning of.

My biggest tip here: Print your place names and table names/numbers twice. One lot goes on the actual dining tables. The other ones are placed on a table at the entrance to the dining space. Pop the table names/numbers along the top of the table and the corresponding guests’ name cards underneath in a row. This means you can rearrange who sits where without ever having to re-print anything.

Photo by Gina & Ryan of stationery by The Paper Mint Press

Calligraphy cards by You Had Me At Hello

Book an on-the-day coordinator

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: These people are angels with clipboards whose sole goal in life is to make your day run seamlessly. Don’t hesitate - just do it. My faves are Zuza from WholeLottaLove Weddings (she’s an amazing stylist too), Laura from Devine Bride and Kate from Jump The Broom. They’re all friendly, ultra-organised and unbelievably hard-working. Check ‘em out.

Let go (and laugh)

I catastrophised a million scenarios that never happened, but there were things that went wrong on my wedding day that I ever imagined.

A few years into dating my husband-to-be, we went to visit his family for the weekend, and ended up driving with his parents and the dogs to the Peak District in their old camper van. We had such an amazing day - we visited the Blue John caves, walked the hills, and ate real Bakewell puddings - from Bakewell - with cups of tea from the whistling kettle, cosy inside the van whilst the rain tapped on the roof.

On our wedding day, his mum arranged to have Bakewell puddings delivered from the very same bakery as the dessert, and this was very kind and sentimental to us. We didn’t know but through a miscommunication, our venue had placed these out on show for the guests when they arrived, and by the time we turned up in that white cab, my aunt and two of our mates had shovelled a few down already! Honestly I was livid when I saw the flake of pastry on someone’s chin, knowing we now didn’t have a dessert to serve - but if I could just shake my past self now and show her how funny it is, I would!

I hope some of these things have helped - even just to offer some light relief. I hope your planning is stress-free and you’re having a lot of fun doing it. If not - take a day off and come back to it after a break! If you need wedding planning advice, tips or just have a question, as always get in touch. I’d be happy to help! Carly x

Image credit: Top photo of couple with eyes closed is by AnaMata Photo